The summer is fast approaching and I’m as unexcited for it as any in a long time. Last summer I couldn’t wait for the mind bending chaos of Inception. I was also chomping at the bit for the shameless, balls-out, insanity of The Expendables 
. At the same time the idea of another Twilight installment, a Karate Kid remake, and that fuckin’ Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz joint, was as enticing as a pair of wool Speedos. 2009 was worse. There were racist robots, CGI guinea pigs, and a G.I. Joe movie so stupid we did a whole episode on it. Could the summer of 2011 finally deliver a decent season? Spoiler alert….I seriously fucking doubt it. But anyway here is what John and I think about the coming crop of summer movies.
John
Before much was known about Thor I was not on board. I figured of the 3 Marvel flicks coming out this summer this would be the worst and solely because of the character. Based on how Marvel does movies it had no hope. Then the details started to get out there and I learned that not only did they get heavy hitter Kenneth Branagh to direct but they snagged writers Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz who both worked on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, a show I very much enjoyed. Taking the almost Shakespearean father/son tale of Thor written in the tone of The Sarah Connor Chronicles and helmed by a more than capable Branagh and I am going on record that this will not only be the best Marvel movie of the summer but the best of this whole lot.
Mike
The Marvel films to this point have been light, play-it-safe pieces of entertainment. Without taking any risks they’ve been enjoyable and little else. I was expecting the same from Thor. Then it was announced that Kenneth Branagh was directing. That’s got me hopeful. Thor is a complex character and a guy like Branagh might just have what it takes to give us something other than muscles and explosions. I’m holding out hope anyway.
Mike
The fourth in this series has found itself a new director in the fairly inexperienced Rob Marshall. The guy who directed Chicago and Memoirs of a Geisha seems like an odd choice. Also gone are Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly, the latter being replaced by Penelope Cruz – which is an upgrade in terms of both acting chops and the all important boobie category. I guess I just don’t see why any of this is necessary. I enjoyed the first film as much as anyone else. Now it’s clearly just a cash grab for the studio. I can’t blame them for trying to pull in the dough, but I can blame anyone who actually pays to see it for contributing to the effort. If you want the age of sequels/prequels/remakes to stop then you need to stop laying down the cash for them. Start here.
John
Let’s be honest, we were all bored of this by the third one right? Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed the first flick, the performances were fun, the action was intense, it had all the earmarks of a solid summer movie. Yes Disney you proved you can make a movie from a theme ride and even extend it into a franchise but did we really need a fourth installment? Was there no other project to throw this money at? I’m thinking skip this, it’ll be on constant rotation over on TNT soon enough if you simply must know what happens to Captain Jack.
John
The original Hangover was an unexpected gem. I really didn’t expect it to be as balls out funny as it was. The inevitable problem lies in the success leading to a sequel. I really do think the first was lightening in a bottle, the perfect storm of all the right ingredients. What we are likely to be treated to here in the sequel is constant attempts to outdo the first. It’s going to be more extreme, more racy and thus not nearly as funny. Millions of college kids will go see this and think it is hilarious. But then again these same people also drink Natty Ice. Take your $15, buy some good beer and watch the original from Netflix instead of this unwanted retread.
Mike
Have you seen the trailer for this?! It’s almost exactly the same movie. It’s a little unbelievable how exactly the same it is. I’m going to call this the Home Alone 2 edition. The Hangover 2: Lost in Bangkok. Now these sequels have gone from being unnecessary to indistinguishable. That sucks. Something tells me this will too.
Mike
Nothing I can say will defuse the bomb that is John Carmichael’s inevitable slobbering over this movie. Yes, Michael Fassbender is awesome. No it won’t matter. Have we learned nothing from the Wolverine movie? Apparently not. This is just my preemptive “John is the worst” statement. Consider it done.
John
This may come as a surprise to most but I don’t think this movie will be that good. I don’t think it will be awful but I just can’t seem to get excited for it. That’s saying something when I can’t get excited for an X-Men movie. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think it will be awful. I think on a scale of Wolverine to X2 this will cozy up on the sofa with X-Men 3. Not something to get worked up about, in a good or bad way. Overall I give this a meh.
John
Oh dear lord! I love the Hal Jordan character. In fact I was once Green Lantern for Halloween. And while it doesn’t seem an obvious choice for a feature I think the story could be done well. When you look at the casting of Ryan Reynolds in the title role and the insane CG fest that the preview shows it will be I don’t see how this won’t suck. It’s unfortunate I think both Blake Lively and Peter Sarsgaard are actors who can bring a lot to a film and director Martin Campbell can put together a solid action piece as he proved with Casino Royale. Maybe this will work. I want it to but there is a nagging voice in my head telling me it’s going to be a computer generated cluster fuck. Ultimately this will be the biggest disappointment of my summer.
Mike
Even the filmmakers don’t think this is going to be any good. It’s still not finished. The production of this film seems just like doing your math homework on the bus ride in to junior high school. It’s last minute, loud, and destined to make someone look stupid. Were it not for X-Men this would be the movie I’d be ready to hate the most.
Mike
Michael Bay can go fuck himself.
John
Ah yes, the third installment in a series that started in the toilet and got exponentially worse in the sequel. To have any sense of what to expect in this unmitigated waste of processing power you have to ask the question, how does Michael Bay out-Michael Bay himself? Last time was blatant racism and scrotum jokes. I’m predicting a girl transformer and robot sex. Just because Bay is that much of an asshole.
John
When looking for a dazzling spectacle backed by a well done story the Potter series has delivered time and time again. I don’t foresee that changing any time soon. This movie will be dark and maybe even a little depressing at parts but I am confident that I will thoroughly enjoy it. This film is right up there with Thor for movies I can’t wait for. I only give Thor a slight edge in my mind because I really don’t want to see this series end. I’ll be in line with all the kids giddy to pour into the IMAX theater to see Harry and his friends fight evil.
Mike
Out of the bunch, this is the film I’m most looking forward to. I’ve enjoyed this series, I suspect largely because I’ve never read a word of the books. I think that keeping your entire principal cast together for 8 movies and 10 years is an impressive accomplishment. I’d like to see the last chapter. The films have been getting progressively darker and I think that works for this franchise and the fans that have grown up with it. I’m ready for some face smashing wizard fights. I’m also keeping my fingers crossed for an Emma Watson nipple slip.
Mike
I’ve never been real interested in this character. No I don’t hate America. I just can’t get worked up about a dude with a boomerang shield and an Apollo Creed outfit. I get it. He’s really into America. It just seems like such a blatant speed bump on the way to the eventual Avengers movie that I feel like I’d be wasting my time. With three other superhero movies releasing before it I just can’t imagine a world where I’m not completely worn out by them. Don’t worry though. John will go to a midnight screening and wear his homemade Cap’n outfit then spend the rest of the year making excuses for how it’s not that bad.
John
This movie is going to blow. Do we all remember what happened last time Chris Evans tried to play a super hero? Or any time he’s tried to act at all really. The character isn’t that strong, he was a hero built for the 40s and just doesn’t work outside that time frame. To saddle a weak character with a half-ass actor and a spotty at best director in Joe Johnston is just asking for trouble. By the time the end of July rolls around I’ll have had my fill of bad super hero movies and will probably let this one go until DVD. You should too.
If you think we are crazy, want to agree or feel we left a summer blockbuster off our list feel free to use the comments section below to be heard.
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